goodbye, emma.

(This post originally appeared on inklings press.)

I first discovered Pemberley Digital last year, when a friend of mine recommended The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. I watched a few episodes, but didn’t really get into it.

lbd05Then, in March, my grandfather died. We were at my grandma’s house for a week straight. I couldn’t handle all of the crying, so I went into the guest room one night and tried to find something to watch online. I couldn’t find anything.

Then, I remembered the LBD. I clicked on the playlist of the first ten episodes, deciding that I’d try it again.46de81980a577e6e6867d055ed222dd7

Fast forward to three am that night, when I finally told myself, ‘YOU HAVE TO GO TO BED.’

I’ve been a fan of Pemberley Digital ever since. I watched the entire series of the LBD again with Arwen, and I just bought it off iTunes and am watching it yet again. It’s that good!5966622d581892d170b9da14dac8f81b

(However, there’s some language and mature themes, so I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone under sixteen.)

Arwen is exactly like Jane, and it’s shocking how much I’m like Lizzie. CRAZY.enhanced-buzz-29449-1400451740-4

When I heard that Pemberley Digital would be making a miniseries of my favorite Jane Austen novel, Emma, I was ecstatic. Emma Approved has been everything I ever hoped it could be and more.0400f538a5a50267cd3779c42b7493cd

Watching the episodes on Mondays and Thursdays have become me and my younger sister’s Thing. As soon as the episodes come out, we’re on my laptop, laughing, crying, jeering, and smiling like idiots for the next few days… ’til the next episode comes out.

However, after today, it’s over.

No more Emma.aab10593fdd829cc594c84db9a2c54fb

No more Snarky Knightley.wink

No more KnightHouse.a360cffdf7fc0aee8d840e0d8fa6797f

No more B-Mart.0e002add70954434f456c821e25278fd

No more Harriet.290dd754397d08dda7637f74667c7de5

No more Harriet/B-Mart adorbs.c0a26b782334d0ab6ae394357ad669ab

No more Frank and Jane.b9abeda45033be9adf26ee2fdea56d8c

And, from what I’ve heard, no more Jane Austen for Pemberley Digital.


So I just want to say… thank you, Pemberley Digital. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to every Monday and Thursday, something for my younger sister and I to bond over, and something for my sisters and I to fangirl over.

Thank you.


movie scenes that really, really make me cry

Fandom feels, we are not alone #17

I’m pretty emotional when it comes to movies.  If there’s a sad scene, you can pretty much be guaranteed that I’ll cry.  Listing all the movie scenes that set me off would take forever (honestly) so I’ve whittled it down to the top five scenes that make me cry.  I mean, really sob.  Ugly crying, you know.  There are actually several scenes that qualify for this thingy too (although most sad movie scenes just make me tear up…still, if I’m sad enough to tear up, the scene has definitely touched me) so I’ve also based my picks on the scenes that have stuck with me the longest.  Sometimes I’ll cry over a scene, and then not really think about if much afterwards (certain deaths in Downton Abbey come to mind) but these scenes are tried and true.  And if I don’t end this post in a puddle of tears, it’ll be a miracle.

In alphabetical order (because I like being weird) using the movie titles…

~Captain America: The First Avenger

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”
“I’ll show you how.  Just be there.”
“We’ll have the band play something slow.  I’d hate to step on your-“
“Steve?  Steve?”

~Catching Fire

“She was too young, too gentle.  And I couldn’t save her.  I’m sorry.”

~Les Miserables

*strains of Bring Him Home playing*

~Robin Hood

“What am I going to be without you?”
“You are already more of a man than I will ever be, Much.  And you are my best friend.”


*gorgeous, Oscar-nominated music plays*


the awesomeness that is DIETRICH

"In which Hans Gudegast/Eric Braeden is a terrifying actor. You can just see all of Dietrich’s men that have fallen to the Rats in his eyes. Right there. The men, the boys, the friends and barely-knew-hims he’s seen dragged out of flaming convoys because of Troy. And that is all in a moment of film, a sliver that you barely notice unless you stop the footage."

“…not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”

That quote is in reference to Captain America/Steve Rogers, but I find that it fits Dietrich’s character incredibly well.  He may not always agree with the Nazi mindset (okay, he never agrees with it) but he’ll still work through the twisted morals of his superiors to serve his country to the best of his ability…and at the same time, never sacrificing his own ideals for the sake of convenience or even safety.  There was one episode (‘Truce At Aburah’, which I’ll be discussing further a little later on) where a superior officer threatened to send a report to Berlin (a report that would probably get him pulled down in the ranks, if not executed) if Dietrich didn’t break a truce he had with the Rat Patrol (they’d agreed to a truce so that they could save a little girl out of a well), and Dietrich doesn’t budge.  His attitude is basically “do what you want, I’m not moving on this one”.  Because innocent civilians are more important than some crazy dude’s rantings.  And that’s just one example.

“I don’t want them to change me…Turn me into some kind of monster that I’m not….I keep wishing I could think of a way to…to show them that they don’t own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their game.”

*all the Hunger Games fangirls burst into tears*

Again, it’s not specifically from The Rat Patrol, but this quote…this quote so fits Dietrich.  It’s something he could’ve said.  I’m sure it’s something he thought on more than one occasion.  Like the time when he’s ordered to go find a certain kid, put a Star of David on him, drag him in to Nazi HQ, and send him off to a concentration camp. (from ‘Death Do Us Part’ – overall, the episode is probably my least favorite, but Dietrich is amazing in that one)  He doesn’t want to disobey a direct order, but the entire thing is wrong, and he knows it.  Consider…

German officer hands Dietrich his orders.
Dietrich reads over the paper and sighs heavily.
Dietrich: “So far we have been able to abstain from this sort of thing in the Africa campaign.”
German officer glares at him.
German officer: “What are you trying to tell me?”
Dietrich: “Merely that I want to register my objection to this.”
German officer: “Are you sure you can afford to?”
Dietrich: “I can’t afford not to!”
Dramatic music.  Hitch, Tully, and Moffitt look at each other.  Dietrich salutes and leaves.

Oh wow.  Ohhhhhh wow.


(plus, when he went to get the boy, he was so close to breaking down…it was horrible)

Would you call those puppy eyes? I’d call those puppy eyes.

Or in ‘Decoy Raid’ when a half-insane SS officer (hmm…there seems to be a theme going here) who I believe potentially has the authority to demote Dietrich, won’t keep his side of a bargain (a member of the RP – in this case, Moffitt – in exchange for a desperately needed medical nurse) and Dietrich practically loses it with him.  Flat-out yelling at a guy who’s crazy enough to kill him.  Dietrich rarely looses his cool, but in this case, he feels that the capture of the nurse was partly his fault and if he doesn’t get her back to the village she was taken from, an epidemic will break out.  So, he’s too frustrated to care anymore. (that SS guy was a jerk, btw)

“As a member of the SS, you are supposed to have a sense of honour.  As you recall, we concluded the bargain…for heaven’s sake, man, think of your sanity as a human being!”

(if you want to watch a good Dietrich-centric episode, ‘Decoy Raid’ is the one to go to, just so you know)

“One of my favorite moments is when Dietrich is in one Nazi’s office and mentions something about Hitler and gives the most dismissive, hate-filled side-eye to the bust on the man’s desk.”

I’m 99.99999999999 percent certain that the writers for this show based Dietrich off of Rommel.  Besides the obvious similarities in their gear/stance/etc, there’s the similarities in their characters as well.  Both were honourable men, who didn’t always agree with the Nazi mindset, but still stayed true to their country.  Plus, I recently read a book about WWII which stated that Rommel gained the respect of both the Allies and the Germans, and I think that within the little pocket of the North African campaign, Dietrich did that too.  He obeys orders, but he’s also fair when it comes to prisoners, civilians, and truces.  And let me go a little further and say that Dietrich probably met Rommel….

OKAY I CAN’T BE CALM ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.  THIS IS MY FAVORITE IN-UNIVERSE HEADCANON AND I HAVE TO RANT A LITTLE BIT.  IT’S BASICALLY CANON.  Because what about all those times that Dietrich has failed a mission? (don’t get me started…I might cry)  And failed it in a big way, I might add.  Despite what Hogan’s Heroes may tell you, not all Nazis are idiots (although the guy in the tag scene from ‘Touch-And-Go’ was pretty stupid).  Dietrich would probably have been shot because of all those botched missions, right?  BUT HERE’S WHERE THE HEADCANON COMES IN.  Maybe early on in his North African career, Dietrich met Rommel.  And Rommel was really impressed with him, so he invited Dietrich to join him for dinner and they became friends and Rommel fields all of Dietrich’s reports and that’s why Dietrich hasn’t gotten pulled from the ranks or shot.  And every so often, Dietrich has dinner with Rommel and they discuss strategy and how the war’s going and Dietrich always feels cheered up after those visits.

One reason that headcanon is my favorite is because Dietrich always seems so lonely.  He’s only twenty-five, he has a huge burden of responsibility on his shoulders, and he doesn’t have a good team behind him (the way Troy does) because the Rat Patrol almost always kill off his men.  So I’ll bet that eventually he doesn’t allow himself to get close to anyone because they always end up dying, and he’s always the last man standing, and the burden of guilt and loneliness would be too much if he let himself be friends with anyone.  There have been a few episodes where things worked out.  ‘Moment Of Truce’ for one, since everyone survived (including cute bubble-gum boy – Heine) and ‘Touch-And-Go’ (which I love because it actually shows Dietrich working with his men…pretty epic).  But on the other end of the spectrum, there’s ‘Truce At Aburah’ where every. single. one. of his men dies.  After they’d had a little characterization as well.  Which was so heartbreaking.  I literally can’t.  His expression when he realizes he’s the last one standing.  I just.  No.

And it was only a couple days ago that I realized that the reason he hesitated for so long before agreeing to the truce wasn’t because he didn’t want to rescue the girl.  It was because he knew only too well how truces usually end (how missions in general usually end, for that matter) and he didn’t want to endanger his men.  But in the end, he agreed to the truce because ‘maybe we can save this little girl and maybe things will go well this time’.  AND THEN THEY DON’T AND IT’S UTTERLY HEARTBREAKING.  On a side note, I do love the little bits of interaction/protectiveness/commanding-officer thing we get between Dietrich and his men.  Like in ‘Touch-And-Go’ when they’re discussing what to do (at different times in the episode) or in ‘Moment Of Truce’ when Dietrich says “Don’t give orders to my men!” when Troy tells them ‘stop shooting at what they can’t see’.  You can see just how much he wants to keep them safe (well, as safe as he can during times of war) and that makes the whole thing so much worse.

"It speaks volumes of Dietrich’s experience with the Rats that he’s willing to go along with whatever plan it is that Troy came up with. And also about the fact that while Dietrich has his pride, boy does he have his pride, he is above all a practical man. Despite how it rankles, he will take Troy’s initial plans above his own when it comes to crazed escapes."

One thing I haven’t really discussed in this post is Dietrich’s frenemyship with the Rat Patrol (but especially Troy).  It’s really-it’s just one of the most epic things ever.  From the moment in ‘Chase Of Fire’ where they did the whole ‘glare-at-each-other-as-the-jeeps-ride-off-into-the-sunset’ thing to where Troy nearly fatally shot Dietrich in the very last episode of the series (‘Kill At Koorlea’), there’s this awesomely dysfunctional frenemyship that I find incredibly awesome.  The truce episodes are the best for showcasing the whole thing (although anytime Dietrich captures any of them is also good) and of all of those, ‘Chain Of Death’ is my favorite.  Short summary: Troy and Dietrich are captured by Arab slave traders and chained together. (with a very long, very heavy chain…what were those Arabs thinking?)  They manage to escape, and have to work together (with the chain between them) to get back to civilization.  There are so many epic things in this episode that I couldn’t begin to list them all, but a few of my favorites (i.e., the ones that illustrate Troy and Dietrich’s relationship to each other) are as follows…

  • Dietrich deferring to Troy’s hair-brained schemes because they actually do work most of the time.
  • Their [fake] slug-fest. (looked pretty real to me, though)
  • Nearly killing each other with the chain until they decide to work together. (basically this whole show)
  • Dietrich goes unconscious and Troy drags him under some shade before concocting a ‘let’s-get-out-of-this-chain’ plan.
  • And the tag scene.

oh, come on, like Troy's really going to shoot Dietrich.

I don’t think any of the Rats are even close to being friends with Dietrich, but they respect him and trust him, at least to some extent.  And that’s more than they give any other German guy (and quite a few Allied ones, as well).  I don’t think they’d kill him (or he’d kill one of them) but they’re still enemies.  Occasional allies, yes.  Friends, no.  There was that one time where Dietrich saved Moffitt’s life by getting him a  live blood donor.  Or when Dietrich saved Moffitt from court martial.  Or when Dietrich shot that crazy SS guy in ‘Decoy Raid’ before he could shoot Moffitt. (um, wow…I’m getting a theme here)  But there’ve also been times where he’s clearly angry/frustrated with the whole lot of them.  Or sometimes, more specifically, Troy.

Dietrich rarely loses him temper enough to start shouting, but there have been a few times.  Annnd they usually have something to do with Troy.  In ‘Boomerang Raid’ he and Troy actually started fighting (like, fists flying fighting) which never happens.  In ‘Tug Of War’ (another insanely good Dietrich episode) he starts yelling at Troy, mainly because Troy refuses to give him some information (and if Troy doesn’t give him the information, he [Troy, not Dietrich] will be hung).  I think he was frustrated in that episode, yes, but he was also worried because Troy had gotten himself into a very dangerous position and he couldn’t do anything about it.  OH AND IN THAT SCENE HE STARTS LAUGHING BUT IT’S THE SADDEST, MOST BITTER LAUGH YOU’LL EVER HERE AND I’M ALMOST POSITIVE IT WAS A ‘If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry’ SITUATION.  FEEEEEEEEEEEEELS.

Dietrich: “Sergeant, can’t you get it through your head that unless you tell me where you disposed of the microfilm, you are going to be hanged tomorrow!”
Troy:  “I saw that possibility.”
Dietrich: “You don’t believe it?”
Troy: “I believe it.”
Dietrich: “Then face facts, man!  You cannot possibly deliver that film to the Allies.  So the very thing you are throwing your life away for is worthless.”
Troy: “Then why do you want it so badly, Captain?”
Dietrich: “Because, Sergeant, an exposure of classified information rattling under my nose is very uncomfortable to me.”
Troy: “That’s your problem, Captain.”

And the iconic episode where Dietrich pulls off and slugs Troy.  Knocks him right out.  But I don’t blame him that time (it was from ‘Trial By Fire’, btw) because Troy tripped him up, Dietrich was frustrated with all of his stupid tricks, and it just built up and built up until he just…punched Troy out.  AND in that same episode, Troy pulls a gun on him and tells Dietrich to call the guard (so that he can kill the guard) and Dietrich hesitates for the longest time.  BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT THE GUARD TO DIE.  MAYBE HE KNEW THAT GUARD.  JUST-I’m done.  I’m 24601% done.

Troy: “Looks like our friend found a home.”  PUPPY DIETRICH AND DOGGIE ARE NOW FRIENDS.

There are some happy Dietrich moments as well, and I’ll close of this [super-long] post with listing a few of them.

  • the above gif. (‘Darers Go First’)
  • when he tries to make sure a little girl gets her doll back in ‘Trial By Fire’.
  • eating cinnamon rolls.
  • being happy when he sends Troy/jeeps packing. (happened once, in one episode, ‘David And Goliath’, I believe)
  • WHEN HE SPEAKS ARABIC IN ‘CHAIN OF DEATH’.  He’s actually really mad when he does that, but it was so epic that I had to include it here.

What are your thoughts on Dietrich? (if you’ve seen the show, that is…if you haven’t get to Youtube post-haste!)


little {fandom} things: rat patrol

{today was Jane’s day to post, but since she’s away on vacation, I’ve taken up the torch – enjoy!}

Confession: I kinda, sorta, really love this show.  It’s…it’s awesome.  RAT PATROL IS UNIQUE AND THE CHARACTERS ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL AND FLAWED AND BELIEVABLE AND THERE ARE SO MANY EMOTIONS AND I JUST REALLY HAVE A LOT OF FEELS FOR THIS SHOW.  I could go on and on about the different headcanons and AUs (alternate universes) and little details in certain episodes and why ‘Chain Of Death Raid’ is the best episode ever, but since I don’t have a lot of time and you’d probably get a bit tired of all-caps rantings and ramblings, I’m just going to list a few (okay, several) things that make this show one of my absolute favorite TV shows ever. (btw, the whole thing is free on Youtube, so go check it out!)

Tully’s smile lights up the desert.  Not even joking.

The Floof.

All the truce episodes.


Moffitt’s British Wit.

AUs – Hunger Games, cowboy, modern collage, roadtrip (ugh, that one is most hilarious thing ever), if-Germany-had-won-WWII…

Tully + jeeps is a thing.

So are Brotps. (I platonically ship everything in this show)

Cute romances.

That time when Troy and Dietrich were chained together. (the North African version of ‘our get-along shirt’)

The fandom is literally the best.

Dietrich’s voice is like melted chocolate.

I dunno why, but I love it when they rip the covers off the guns.

The teamwork and camaraderie – they’re all such bros!

How the Rats/Dietrich interact with kids. (and puppies)

Cool explosions!

The fact that Troy found his brother and lost his father…and Moffitt found his father and lost his brother.  I will forever cry over that fact.



(no, I did not use this post as an excuse to share all my favorite gifs.  Why would you ask?)

hunger games feels {part 3}

The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1| Serafini Amelia

This is my final post about Hunger Games feels (well, at least the basic points in the book…expect more ranting from me and the other authors in posts to come – and you can send in your own posts as well!). Mockingjay is one of the darkest, most depressing books I’ve ever read (in a good way) and it’s chock-full of feels – more than the first two combined, in my opinion. The whole book is basically one big feels session, but I’ll narrow down a few of the worst triggers.

Peeta - Mockingjay Part 1

PEETAPEETAPEETA – Anything and everything about Peeta in this book. He’s tortured, brainwashed, tries to kill the love of his life, goes around playing ‘real or not real?’ (the word ‘real’ has taken on a whole new dimension for me), and is dragged through what is basically another arena. Oh, and he also starts thinking that he’s a Capitol mutt. I know he gets a happy ending, but for most of the book, I can’t help but cry over him. If he’s in a scene, there’s a good chance I’ll at least tear up.

"It’s as if in an instant, a painted window shatters, revealing the ugly world behind it. Laughter changes to screams, blood stains pastel stones […] I draw back so I can see his face. “What? Boggs? Boggs?” His eyes are still open, but dead. Pressed in my hand, glued to it by his blood, is the Holo." - Katniss (Mockingjay)

Boggs’ death – The first of many heartbreaking deaths in this book, Boggs’ death pushes everything to a new level of serious. The first time I read MJ, I didn’t really cry, ‘cause I was reading it so fast that I didn’t even really know who Boggs was. But on my re-read, I paid more attention and Boggs became one of my favorite new characters. He’s a soldier, very loyal to the rebel cause, and he trusts Katniss enough to give her his comunicuff (I don’t think I spelled that right) just before he dies.

Sam Claflin brings Finnick Odair to life! See him in action when the #CatchingFireDVD comes out March 7th!


Sister like sister, Very cool...

Katniss telling Buttercup about Prim – I didn’t really cry when Prim died. I felt I hadn’t really gotten to know her that well (I think she’s one of the flatter characters in the series) and even Katniss’ reaction to it didn’t move me all that much. BUT WHEN SHE TOLD THE STUPID CAT I TOTALLY LOST IT. WHYYYYYYYYY???

I just know that I will cry during the entire Mockingjay movie from start to finish.

Gale – I was so disappointed with the whole Gale thing in the end that I cried, although it could’ve been more frustration than anything else. Katniss accuses him of killing Prim (why didn’t Beetee get any of the blame???), he goes off, and the next thing you know, he’s living in District Two, with some swanky job. And the way Suzanne Collins wrote it, it’s like Gale doesn’t care about any of the other characters anymore (including Katniss) and he’s living for money and fame now. And that, in my opinion, is almost as wrong as Finnick’s death.

"Our children, who don't know they play on a graveyard." - Katniss (End of Mockingjay)


I feel like I missed something, but I can’t imagine what it is – any ideas?


Welcome to feelsy feels!



Jack Cavanaugh.

Anne of Green Gables.


Hans (of the Southern Isles).

The Winter Soldier.

Mac Campbell.

If you’re still able to read these words because they’re not blurry through the tears brimming over in your eyes, you have no business being here.

feelsy feels is for fans of anything and everything – books, movies, musicals, you name it.  It’s a public place to rant and vent our feels so that we don’t disturb those around us.  (People like you, you non-crying people.  Go away.)

I first got the inspiration for feelsy feels after starting a Skype group with two good friends, specifically to fangirl over the upcoming release of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  We’re still going strong, making inside jokes about changing the words to ‘One Day More,’ performing one another’s funerals, and crying over Bucky.  It’s been quite therapeutic.  Our conversations literally consist of…

“OHMYSTARS.  THIS.”  *sends picture*



“I just died inside…”



And then everybody cries.  (Together in spirit, but apart because of the miles that separate us.)

I’ve decided that this sharing-of-feels shouldn’t be limited to just me and my two friends.  No, I’ve decided to open it up to the whole world.  I will write a few of the posts to get started, enlist a few other friends to write a few, but I want it to mainly run on guest posts.

Yes, this means you.

feelsy feels is for feels, and that doesn’t just mean comments.  That means active participation.

YOU get to write the posts.  YOU get to rant about your fandoms.  YOU get to indulge in a little fangirling (or fanboying) over your favorite thing in the world.

Only a few disclaimers – although I’d love to indulge everyone, I won’t publish anything that goes against my convictions or preferences, anything with too many inappropriate references or jokes, or anything that doesn’t honor God.  Anything that falls under these categories will be discarded with a polite, but firm, “Thank you, but I won’t be able to publish that.”

Now!  With all of that behind us…